There is of course a sense in which love for neighbors is unselfish. But this is not because it is motivated by the desire to be unselfish. Rather, it is motivated by desire for the good of the other. Think of how we love our children, seeking their good as well as taking delight in their very being. But sometimes, when you have to wake up in the middle of the night to deal with your screaming infant for the fourth or fifth time, there is no delight in your heart, just sheer exhaustion and devotion to duty. For once again, if you love, you'll do your duty for the one you love: you'll drag yourself out of bed to deal with this tiny bundle of misery, not because you desire to be unselfish but because she needs you. That's the shape of love, the way it directs your attention: it's not about you, it's about her. The delight is lovely when it's there, but it's not the essential thing. And the desire to be unselfish is surely not enough to get you out of bed for the fourth or fifth time -- it's too self-centered. Only love for your child can do that.
Showing posts with label motivations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motivations. Show all posts
Friday, May 11, 2012
Good News Quote #30
From Chapter Five, Why You Don't Have to Be Sure You Have the Right Motivations: Or, How Love Seeks the Good.
There is of course a sense in which love for neighbors is unselfish. But this is not because it is motivated by the desire to be unselfish. Rather, it is motivated by desire for the good of the other. Think of how we love our children, seeking their good as well as taking delight in their very being. But sometimes, when you have to wake up in the middle of the night to deal with your screaming infant for the fourth or fifth time, there is no delight in your heart, just sheer exhaustion and devotion to duty. For once again, if you love, you'll do your duty for the one you love: you'll drag yourself out of bed to deal with this tiny bundle of misery, not because you desire to be unselfish but because she needs you. That's the shape of love, the way it directs your attention: it's not about you, it's about her. The delight is lovely when it's there, but it's not the essential thing. And the desire to be unselfish is surely not enough to get you out of bed for the fourth or fifth time -- it's too self-centered. Only love for your child can do that.
There is of course a sense in which love for neighbors is unselfish. But this is not because it is motivated by the desire to be unselfish. Rather, it is motivated by desire for the good of the other. Think of how we love our children, seeking their good as well as taking delight in their very being. But sometimes, when you have to wake up in the middle of the night to deal with your screaming infant for the fourth or fifth time, there is no delight in your heart, just sheer exhaustion and devotion to duty. For once again, if you love, you'll do your duty for the one you love: you'll drag yourself out of bed to deal with this tiny bundle of misery, not because you desire to be unselfish but because she needs you. That's the shape of love, the way it directs your attention: it's not about you, it's about her. The delight is lovely when it's there, but it's not the essential thing. And the desire to be unselfish is surely not enough to get you out of bed for the fourth or fifth time -- it's too self-centered. Only love for your child can do that.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Good News Quote #29
From Chapter Five, Why You Don't Have to Be Sure You Have the Right Motivations: Or, How Love Seeks the Good.
So what should you do if you do discover that you have bad motivations for doing good things? First of all, join the club. You are a fallen human being, and you too have a deceitful heart. So of course you have mixed motives all the time. [...]
That doesn't mean that you shouldn't do anything about it. But instead of trying to improve your motivations or find the right one, the thing to do is repent and confess your sins. [...]
This is a point we often get backward. For some reason, we think we can make Christianity attractive to non-Christians by telling them how God's Spirit has been working in our lives to make us such good, loving people -- so different from our nasty, unloving Christian neighbors. And we wonder why non-Christians think we're self-righteous! It's one thing for a former drug addict to testify about how Christ has turned his life around; but when nice, well-off people who have their lives together talk about how powerfully God is working in their hearts, it's obnoxious.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Good News Quote #28
From Chapter Five, Why You Don't Have to Be Sure You Have the Right Motivations: Or, How Love Seeks the Good.
It's perverse to be motivated by the desire to be unselfish: it's one of the most self-centered motivations in the world. It's all about proving to ourselves what good Christians we are, which, if you think about it, is a pretty obnoxious motivation. [...]
Do you see the trap here? There is nothing more self-centered than the project of being unselfish -- it's all about what kind of self you want to be. So people who are driven by the need to have the right motivations, such as unselfishness, are inevitably stuck with the wrong motivations -- selfish motivations that other people rightly find obnoxious. Being driven by the motivation to be unselfish traps you in a life that's all about yourself.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Good News Quote #27
From Chapter Five, Why You Don't Have to Be Sure You Have the Right Motivations: Or, How Love Seeks the Good.
The key point my student needed to realize was simple but powerful: it's okay to do the best thing. After all, if your desire is to do the best thing, then your motivation is good enough! [...]
For example, to love your neighbors means to seek their good. So it would be perverse to wonder whether you had the wrong motivation for seeking their good. If what you're trying to accomplish really is good for your neighbor, then that's good enough. For Christian love is about the good of your neighbor, not how good your heart is. (It's not about you.) The difficult part is knowing what really is good for your neighbor. [...] So that's what a loving person worries about -- "Is what I'm trying to do really good for this person?" -- rather than worrying about whether you're doing it out of some selfish motivation.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Good News Quote #26
From Chapter Five, Why You Don't Have to Be Sure You Have the Right Motivations: Or, How Love Seeks the Good.
I learned about this from a student who stayed after class one day, early in the semester, to get my advice about whether to drop my course. She was in a quandary because she was worried that her motivations were wrong. [...] Was it all about grades? Was she avoiding a good course just because of a selfish fear that it might hurt her grade point average?
What made it all the more complicated for her is that she really needed to drop the course in order to graduate on time, which provided the perfect excuse for her to chicken out of it. [...] So now she really had a problem: it looked like reality was reinforcing her bad motivations!
Wouldn't it be nice, I wondered, if this poor student could just make her decision based on reality instead of her motivations? It took me a while, asking questions and listening, before it dawned on me that this is exactly what she needed to do.
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