The Ministry of Holding One's Tongue
Often we combat our evil thoughts most effectively if we absolutely refuse to allow them to be expressed in words. It is certain that the spirit of self-justification can be overcome only by the Spirit of grace; nevertheless, isolated thoughts of judgment can be curbed and smothered by never allowing them the right to be uttered, except as a confession of sin, which we shall discuss later. He who holds his tongue in check controls both mind and body (Jas. 3:2ff). Thus it must be a decisive rule of every Christian fellowship that each individual is prohibited from saying much that occurs to him. This prohibition does not include the personal word of advice and guidance: on this point we shall speak later. But to speak about a brother covertly is forbidden, even under the cloak of help and good will; for it is precisely under this guise that the spirit of hatred among brothers always creeps in when it is seeking to create mischief.
But then what if there is something bothering us about a specific sibling in Christ, and we want to bring it up with that sibling to resolve it, yet we still want advice from another older brother or sister as to how to go about it (eg. I go ask you "hey Sam, there's [insert thing] bothering me about [insert name], and I don't know how to bring it up with them. Do you have any advice?")<--and then right then and there I've put it [insert thing] into words. It's out of "good will" but still I've spoken "about a brother covertly." So how does one go about this?
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